Last day

Jason's last day of work is Friday. I am scared but so excited! He is still going to be doing side work so we will still have money coming in. one month of no job is a bit crazy for me to handle but I can do it! i am super mom! Trust me I can, I will be a great mom, I will be able to sell a lot on etsy, I will be able to keep up with house work. I will keep telling myself all this so it comes true. They say put it out ther ein the universe and it shoudl come true. CROSS YOUR FINGERS!!!

As the world..... turns?

Changes is better........ as the world/our minds change would be a great start to a daytime soap because our life is nothing short of dramatic. Anyway, no Arizona for us. This week Jason is saying goodbye to his job, taking his CDL learners perm. test, getting a DOT physical and then enrolling in CDL school. He is going to be in school for a short 3 weeks then off to the oil fields to start an amazing job as a coil tube op. it sounds lame but it is going to give us such a great future! We are so excited, this is a real thing now. He met with the rep for the company again today. As long as he can get the CDL class A over with then the job is his. Not even a question if it will or will not be his, it is his for the taking. Benefits, retirement, steady pay and great pay. So wish us luck that this is truly what is "it"! I am done stressing about all this and very much going to walk by faith because that is all I can do at this point. No use in being upset, angry, sad, stressed or anyhing like it. We are a family, we love each other and that is all that matters. So this concludes a great episode of the very dramatic as the Wagstaff world turns!

What do you do?

What do you do when your world seems like it is on stand still? One night we feel like all the decisions we are making are right and are so happy........ then the next we are so unsure. I have been busier then ever with work and being a mom. Kaden is dealing with some things, Addison is being oh so 2, Makayla is testing her boundaries. Things are crazy living in a very small space, with 7 people in the house and all have different ways of doing things and different needs. My kids are suffering from the lack of space and personal space. They don't have much more then a bed and single shelf to call their own. They are acting out in school, acting out at home and just all over seem very overwhelmed. About as overwhelmed as I feel. It was nice this weekend to spend some time away just Jason and I. Then we get home and reality sets in. What are we really doing? I feel no closer to a goal then I did in October. I am frustrated, scared and just tired. Exhausted doesn't even begin to explain how I feel. I don't know what to think any more. I don't know if what we are doing is right or we are just grasping so hard to anything that we are taking ourselves into it? The job Jason has once again did not have paychecks on Friday like they should. We have no way of knowing when we will actually get paid. Thank goodness I have been busy. I just don't know if I can do this much work for much longer. I am beyond busy for one person to handle. I currently have 32 orders printed that need to ship tomorrow, 35 in the pipe line that need to be printed, 4 packages for models, a boutique to get ready for in a month...... the list goes on. I am one person, i can't do all this but I have no choice. I have to be this busy to make enough for our family to survive. All in all I don't know what is going to happen from one day to the next. I feel like I always complain but I am not doing that now....... just explaining my life right now. It is how it is. I know I can be happy with what I have and just deal or be upset. It is so hard to just be happy about it but i try. I try really hard to be a good mom, i try really hard to be a good wife and I try really hard to be a business owner. I am just not sure how much longer i can keep this up. I am so tired I took a 2 hour nap during the afternoon today. For those that know me, know this is SO unlike me! I hate sitting around doing nothing but my body is catching up to all the stress and lack of sleep.

The flood gates open

I don't think many realize but my life has been one big transition since October of last year. Once desicion after another has been made, declined, thought about etc. Just in the last few weeks Jason and I have made the big decision to have him go back to school....... again...... yeah again. He has is bachelors in business management already but it isn't taking him any place. No new jobs have come from it, nothing positive. The only thing it has given us is a huge student loan payment. I hate that payment!!! Anyway, we had another job set and ready to go but for some reason they kept pushing back his official hire date. Just when we thought we had everything figured out they called us and told us that we would be until at least April or May. Jason was getting pretty discouraged with his current job and no set official hire date for the other job we thought was going to be our big answer to prayers. Well turns out they are pushing back the hire date until August and we both feel as if that is a sign. A sign telling us there is something different that we need to do. So June 21st Jason starts school at MMI in Phoenix, AZ. We will be moving there mid June. I am really scared. I mean REALLY scared. I have never lived outside of Utah County. I know it will be good for us but I am just so overwhelmed with everything that goes into it. I am going to miss my family here so much. I am already crying over it. I have been praying for some kind of "sign" telling me this is right. I know that nothing is going to fall out of the heavens and knock me on the head. I just needed that moment when I felt right. When I felt at peace. After the first session today there was a special about a young boy who helps another boy his age who is handicap. I can't even remember what he had but I know the story was amazing. The thing that hit me so hard was the lady they were focusing on had moved from out of state to.......Gilbert, AZ. She explained that she had only lived one place in her life, she didn't have a husband and for some reason just took her kids to Arizona and hoped for the best. Little did she know that trip would introduce her to the missionaries and she would later be baptised. The story is beautiful but it hit hard for me. Arizona, it felt like my answer. Of ALL the stories that could be told, of all the times I decide to stay and watch in between sessions that story comes on. I feel it was my answer. That I don't need to worry that we won't find a ward in Arizona that we will love. I don't need to worry about changes because if it is right then in the end great things will come from it. I have been crying off and on from that moment and lost it in front of my brother today.

I have been so guilty lately of comparing myself to others. I see everyone around me doing great in jobs, buying homes, having kids, and just over all seem like they have a great life. I see my situation and wonder why in the world I can't get things together. I have not been looking forward to turning 30 this year because I feel like I haven't accomplished all that everyone else has at much younger ages.... blah. Then I hear Elder Hollad's talk and he councels us to not compare ourselves to others. He said- “Brothers and sisters, there are going to be times in our lives when someone else gets an unexpected blessing or receives some special recognition,” he said. “May I plead with us not to be hurt—and certainly not to feel envious—when good fortune comes to another. We are not diminished when someone else is added upon. We are not in a race against each other to see who is the wealthiest or the most talented or the most beautiful or even the most blessed.

“The race we are really in is the race against sin, and surely envy is one of the most universal of those.”

“However late you think you are, however many chances you think you have missed, however many mistakes you feel you have made, or talents you think you don’t have, or distance from home and family and God you feel you have traveled, I testify that you have not traveled beyond the reach of divine love.”

What a powerful talk. I needed it, I needed it so bad. The talk is going to be available on Thursday to read but can view it on www.lds.org right now.

So after all that has happened I realized a few things-
1. I can't compare myself to everyone. No matter how well they are doing, I can't be envious I just need to be happy for them. That is going to be hard and I will work on it.
2. Sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and take a chance in order to progress in life. Moving is not ideal for me but I truly believe in the long run it will bless our little family.
3. I am one person and can only do so much. My business has taken over my life lately and I am ready to scale back and start being a better mother and wife.